Ooh I wanna be in comics!
Here's my backstory.

Orphaned as a child, Jason was raised by a used cat salesman on the streets of Detroit. At the age of 15 he decided he wanted some adventure in his life and bought an aircraft carrier from the British Navy. He sailed the 7 seas for three years teaching math to pirates, fishing for Atlantis and going into singe combat with Cthulhu Eventually he got tired of that dull life and bought a subterranean bunker off the coast of Peru from which he is planning to stage a coup and create the Lawn Gnome Nation. He plays minecraft in his spare time and his best friend and loyal comrade is Pat, the baker with a past who won't take no for an answer. He looks like Kite and spends most of his time in fountains.

I almost think it's a little too real....